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Did you like the cool snowflakes on the first page? It is getting
cool enough here for real snowflakes. I wore my fleece jacket for
the first time since last summer today. (I love saying that! Oh,
summer in Alaska punk that I am!)
Late in the carefree daze of the last millenium, when Martha Stewart
and FiloFaxes were "IN", the Washingtonpost had a contest
to design Ms Stewart's To Do list:
December 1 -- Blanch carcass from Thanksgiving turkey. Spray paint
gold, turn upside down and use as a sleigh to hold Christmas Cards.
December 2 -- Have Mormon Tabernacle Choir record outgoing Christmas
message for answering machine.
December 3 -- Using candlewick and handgilded miniature pine cones,
fashion cat-o-nine-tails. Flog Gardener.
December 4 -- Repaint Sistine Chapel ceiling in ecru, with mocha
trim.
December 5 -- Get new eyeglasses. Grind lenses myself.
December 6 -- Fax family Christmas newsletter to Pulitzer committee
for consideration.
December 7 -- Debug Windows '95
December 10 -- Align carpets to adjust for curvature of Earth.
December 11 -- Lay Faberge egg.
December 12 -- Take Dog apart. Disinfect. Reassemble.
December 13 -- Collect Dentures. They make excellent pastry cutters,
particularly for decorative pie crusts.
December 14 -- Install plumbing in gingerbread house.
December 15 -- Replace air in mini-van tires with Glade "holiday
scents" in case tires are shot out at mall.
December 17 -- Child proof the Christmas tree with garland of
razor wire.
December 19 -- Adjust legs of chairs so each Christmas dinner
guest will be same height when sitting at his or her assigned seat.
December 20 -- Dip sheep and cows in egg whites and roll in confectioner's
sugar to add a festive sparkle to the pasture.
December 21 -- Drain city reservoir; refill with mulled cider,
orange slices and cinnamon sticks.
December 22 -- Float votive candles in toilet tank.
December 23 -- Seed clouds for white Christmas.
December 24 -- Do my annual good deed. Go to several stores. Be
seen engaged in last minute Christmas shopping, thus making many
people feel less inadequate than they really are.
December 25 -- Bear son. Swaddle. Lay in color coordinated manger
scented with homemade potpourri.
December 26 -- Organize spice racks by genus and phylum.
December 27 -- Build snowman in exact likeness of God.
December 31 -- New Year's Eve! Give staff their resolutions. Call
a friend in each time zone of the world as the clock strikes midnight
in that country.
<YESTERDAY | TOMORROW>
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