Well, it has been a year. I survived. Now it is time to tuck Carlton safely away in my heart and move on. To where ever “on” is.
Note to Carlton: You missed a lot this year. You would have been annoyed with me for throwing money at some problems. For not “Letting time be my friend”. Well, dearest – time isn’t always MY friend. Throwing money at the Asylum problem got me settled in a suitable apartment in a timely manner…
I have hawked your investments – but not as obsessively as you did. I am thinking about adding a CPA to my “team”. I know you consider lawyers and accounts and investment people a waste of money. But, I want to vet my team members – while I still have most of my marbles.
You would have been a little put out by the fuss that the AA people made over your departure – You would have been muttering “Principals and Personalities”. “I am just another bozo on the bus”. (Like you were EVER on ANY bus!)
I hoped to find a note to me in your “stuff” – You didn’t believe in leaving notes to the survivors. Just like you didn’t believe in funerals or memorial services… But I did find that you copied Mary Alice Ramisht’s sappy poem and left it in your “Death” folder:
To Those Whom I love & Those Who Love Me
When I am gone, release me, let me go.
I have so many things to see and do,
You must not tie yourself to me with tears
Be happy that I have had so many years
I gave you my love, you can only guess
How much you gave me in happiness
I thank you for the love each have shown
But now it is time I travelled on alone
So grieve a while for me, if grieve you must
Then let your grief be comforted by trust
It is only for a while that we must part
So bless the memories in your heart
I will not be far away, for life goes on
So if you need me, call and I will come
Though you cannot see or touch me, I will be near
And if you listen with your heart, you will hear
All of my love around you soft and clear
Then, when you must come this way alone
I will greet you with a smile and welcome home
You liked sappy. This will suffice as the note that I looked for for an entire year and I am ready for the next act.
Carlton – I love you. I always will. I still wear my wedding ring. I always will. I miss you. I always will. Thank you for all the love that we shared along the way.
October 3, 2014, Halloween Day 3 of 31.
And now, I am going to get out of my leggings and sweatshirt – put on some real clothes and go down and have dinner and free wine with the other inmates.